Thank you to foster parents Russ and Connie Libby for letting me link to Fostering Friday's blog.
Fostering Friday's is all about my journey as a foster mom, how I feel about it, the highs and lows, and how it affects my family. And of course, hoping to increase awareness and prayer for this challenging and very rewarding ministry. This last week we had a court hearing for our little man. There looks to be some changes coming soon and I'm trying to figure out how to cope with that. We took this little baby home from the hospital and have grown him through almost nine months of his life! How am I going to say goodbye? How am I going to comfort my children who feel like their brother will be leaving them? How do I handle the fact he may never remember me? When I first started telling people that I was going to be doing foster care the answer I kept hearing was, "I could never do that, it would be too hard to let them go." My response was yes, it will be hard, so very sad, but I still feel compelled to do it. You know that saying, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." That about sums up how I feel. Although I'm already shedding tears and praying for comfort for myself and my family, I still feel grateful for the time I did get with this precious one. He has impacted my heart forever and I'll never forget him even if he does forget me. The whole experience of raising someone else's child is strangely surreal. There are moments where I feel like he really is my own. And that is what makes this such a sad breakup. But if I didn't love him like my own then would I be giving him the best care I could? Would he really be thriving if he didn't feel like he belonged? I don't think so. There is no way for me to keep my heart from that motherly attachment and there is no way to safeguard against the pain of losing that child. But I'm going to do it again anyway. It is so rewarding to have watched this baby grow into a well adjusted, happy, healthy baby. Then say goodbye, knowing I did everything I could to teach him to trust, hope and know security.
I think it's worth the pain and knowing that is all I've got right now. That, and trusting completely in God's sovereign plan for this little ones life. He already knows the path he has planned for him and I'm resting in that. It's not up to me to figure it out, or even understand it, it's my job to obey and trust. I think of Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. To give you a hope and a future." I'm clinging to that for our baby and you better believe it's going in his scrapbook we're making him. He'll be taking that scrapbook, full of the love and memories we'll cherish, with him and the quilt I made for him soon after we brought him home. Pieces of our hearts to remind him he is so loved, by us, but more importantly, by God.
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